What to do when your groom says ‘no’ to your wedding
Posted On July 15, 2021
What to say to your groom when he or she says “no” to your proposal article The wedding proposal is usually the last thing you think about before your big day.
But the more you think of it, the more it can affect your wedding day.
This article looks at the basics to ensure you’re not wasting time on a proposal that will never happen.
What to sayWhen you proposeThe most important thing you can say to get your proposal accepted by your groom is the same thing you say to everyone else.
If you can’t think of a good way to say it, you can try writing it down in a notebook.
“The idea is to say, ‘I want to marry this person, and I want to spend a lifetime with them’,” says Heather Roper, author of the book Wedding Planning.
“I have a big list of names on it, and there’s lots of them, so I’m sure the bride and groom have thought of lots of people.”
If you want to make sure your proposal is on point, start by writing down the names of all the people who are invited to your event.
These can be important clues as to who your prospective bridesmaids will be.
For example, if you think the bride’s name is “Kathryn”, you can ask “Who is Kathryn?”.
“When we go to propose, we do not have to say anything to each other, but we have to be very deliberate,” says Roper.
“We need to be clear, we need to show respect and we need not make any promises.
We need to ask for each other’s blessing.”
Roper says that people are often uncomfortable saying yes to the proposal if they think they’re going to have to answer questions.
“There are a lot of people who don’t want to ask, and so they say ‘It’s not important,'” she says.
“So when we propose, the way we say it is very deliberate.
It’s the same with your groom.
The proposal is like a gift.
We can ask for your blessing, but not for anything else.”
What to do if you have to tell your groomThe best thing you could do is tell your wedding planner that you don’t have to attend.
“If your groom asks you to come, that’s okay,” says Sarah Hickey, wedding planning coordinator at New Zealand wedding planning agency Wigwam.
“But the first thing you should say is, ‘There is no need to attend, I’m not going to’.” If your groom tells you he doesn’t want you, Roper says you should either say so yourself, or ask your wedding planners to do so.
“The key is to be as careful as possible,” says Hickey.
“You don’t need to say you’ll never go to the wedding, just that you’re absolutely not going.
You need to tell the wedding planner what you want from the proposal.”
Hickey says you can use the same approach for invitations, if there’s a risk of people not getting invited.
“It’s a lot easier to say no when there is a possibility someone may not be invited,” she says, but it’s important to be realistic.
“A lot of couples get the impression they can get everyone invited if they say no,” she explains.
“This is a huge risk if you say no.
But if you’re really confident that you won’t invite anyone, it’s fine.”
You should also tell your bridesmaster that you have a couple of weeks to make a proposal.
If your proposal isn’t good enough, the wedding director can ask you to meet at the venue where your wedding is taking place, or you can go out with your bridal party.
If you can, you should tell your bride that your proposal will need to go through her family.
“She has to know what’s happening with her family before she makes a decision,” says Rhonda Scott, wedding planner at the British Wedding Planning Association.
“Sometimes she has a bit of a hard time.”
If you’re planning on having a wedding without a reception, you’ll need to give your bridemaids some advice.
“In a wedding reception, it is important that everyone feels included and is able to participate fully in the wedding,” says Scott.
“As the wedding day approaches, it becomes important for everyone to be involved.”
If your wedding venue is too small for your wedding to be a big deal, you may be able to postpone your reception until after your wedding.
“When your wedding party comes to a large event, they’re often not as enthusiastic about coming,” says Kate Jones, wedding coordinator at Australian wedding planning association Royal Wedding.
“They’re more concerned about the experience and what’s going to be on the big day.”
Jones says if you don